Tuesday, June 21, 2005

- Cubans Break Into Guantanamo Bay

According to sources, recently, an alarming number of Cubans have broken into the base at Guantanamo Bay. A junior military policeman spoke off the record saying, "Now I know what it is like to be on border patrol in Arizona. We just aren’t equipped to deal with all these folks flooding onto our base. This is a real crisis for us. In the past, we had a small patrol on the base perimeter and applied our manpower to providing top notch hotel, food, medical, legal and religious services to the prisoners already in the prison. But, since we now have dozens of people coming in through the fences daily, we have had to re-deploy troops in an effort to “repel BOARDERS”. Ha, Ha, Ha. Get it? But, there is no way we can police every foot of fence-line 7x24x365. So groups of Cubans just cut the fence, run through and start yelling “terrorista surrender”. The problem is that by international law, the base at Gitmo is considered to be US territory and if the Cubans claim they are Al Qaeda enemy combatants then we have to detain them, even if there is no evidence that they are actually enemy combatants. Believe it or not, when we interrogate these guys, they lie to us and tell us they are Al Qaeda.”

Diplomatic efforts to repatriate these Cubans have failed. Castro told the US ambassador, “If these men say they are Al Qaeda, then they must be Al Qaeda. You know that I want to cooperate with Bush’s war on terror and I do not want to be accused of harboring terrorists. We don’t have the proper facilities to interrogate these terrorists so we think it is best that you hold them forever. Or, if you imperialist pigs completely close that base and go home I will be happy to take the Cubans and all the other prisoners off your hands.”

A reporter who spoke with some of the Cuban detainees explained the situation from their perspective. She said, "Most of the people who are trying to break into the base have tried to escape from Cuba multiple times via boat or water-taxi. The success rate is about 10% with a 35% chance of death on each attempt. For every Cuban that makes it to the US there are nine more that drown or are caught and sent back to prison in Cuba. If you get thrown in Fidel’s prison conditions are very harsh. So, you see the risk of crossing the wire into Gitmo is small compared to crossing the ocean. The Cubans know that if they make it onto the base and get detained they will be treated well in the Gitmo prison and that there is a high probability they will eventually be moved to the US. Once in the US, they can make asylum claims and eventually they will end up being released onto the street. In the meantime, they can learn English, eat well and get free medical care. Plus, unlike in Cuban prison they will be allowed access to religious material. They also will get access to a lawyer to help them with their asylum and immigration paperwork. I know most Americans can’t understand why these folks make repeated attempts to escape Cuba when they live in a glorious, utopian, socialist, egalitarian society where everyone is equal and everyone is happy. But, these folks are hard core capitalists. They have sayings like, “live free or die” and “I would rather die on my feet, than live on my knees”. I really can't explain it.”

Most of them will head to California as soon as they are released since that is where they get the most lucrative welfare benefits. One of the detainees said, “Screw Fidel’s rice steamers. For less than one day of work in California I can afford to buy a great rice steamer at Wal-Mart! My plan is to work a job off the books for cash while I continue to draw welfare benefits. I’ll be making a lot more money and living better than I ever did in Cuba. I plan to save for awhile, get my green card and then start a business. Of course, I will move to another state before I start the business, I mean what small business can afford to pay the taxes in California? Plus, I don't want to be forced to hire transexuals and in California, that's the law. It’s a shame these fat, lazy Americans have no idea how good they have it. Is this a great country or what?"
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