Monday, July 04, 2005

- Comet on Collision Course with Earth

NASA announced today that there were unintended consequences to their latest mission that smashed a space probe into a comet. Only hours after the scientists at mission control celebrated their success, the mission's project manager, Rick Grammar, made a startling announcement; "Unfortunately it appears that the collision has altered the trajectory of the comet and it is now on a collision course with the earth. We knew this was a possibility but the probability was less than 1% so we decided it was worth the risk. We expect the impact will decimate at least 50% of the earth’s surface and lead to a large-scale nuclear winter. The end result will be a lot like the movie Deep Impact. We expect the collision to happen on September 8, 2005."

A spokesman for the President said, "The President recently watched the movie "Team American World Cops" and he knows that only actors and musicians can save the world. This was clearly demonstrated again this past weekend with the Live8 concert. So, we have declared an emergency and are trying to round up Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Billy Bob Thorton, Steve Buscemi, Michael Clark Duncan, Owen Wilson and those other guys so we can launch a mission to blow up that comet. The NFL season starts September 8th and it would be a shame to ruin the football season. We are hoping Jen will allow Ben to go on this important mission or we may all be doomed."
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