Tuesday, July 05, 2005

- Saddam Scores Big With Media Deal

Michael Obitz, Saddam Hussein’s new agent, announced today that Saddam had agreed to participate in a movie, a TV show and several product merchandising deals to cash-in on his celebrity. Obitz said, “Saddam is world famous and everyone's buzzing about torture. We think this combination is a winner! We believe Saddam's media blitz will improve his public image before his trial. When millions of viewers see that he is just a normal guy they will forgive him for any mistakes he might have made in the past. We expect his fans will travel to Baghdad and influence the Iraqi jurors to dismiss all charges or give him a sentence roughly equivalent to Martha Stewart’s.”

A spokesman for the movie producer said, “The working title for the comedy is “Meet the Benevolent Dictator” and it will cover the period leading up to the US invasion of Iraq in March, 2003. Tony Shaloub will play the lead role as Saddam Hussein. We know from recent reports that Saddam is a bit of a clean freak and has obsessive-compulsive tendencies. We think the character that Tony plays in the TV series Monk will be easy to adapt for the movie. Will Ferrel and Kris Katan will play Saddam’s wacky but lovable son’s Uday & Qusay with antics similar to those performed in “Night at the Roxy”. Ben Stiller will have the role of the information minister, Baghdad Bob, contributing witty dialogue and slap-stick stunts. Saddam will have a small non-speaking role as one of his own look-alikes. We can’t say much more without giving away the plot so let’s just say the ending has a French twist.”

A spokesman for the television producer said, “The working title for the TV show is “Celebrity Torture”. It’s a reality show where we will torture real celebrities and well-known politicians. It will be a combination of Punk’d and Fear Factor but we will be taking it to the next level like Abu Gharib or Gitmo. In a typical episode, we will snatch a celebrity off the street and bring them to our dungeon. Saddam will play the dungeon master and he will provide instruction and encouragement to “friends” of the celebrity that will administer the interrogations and torture. We will keep torturing the subject until we get enough quality footage to fill a half-hour show or, they die. We know we won't have any problem getting celebrities and politicians to set-up their so-called “friends” for rendition. We found out through focus groups that the vast majority of people would tune in to see Tom Cruise tortured. We will also have guest dungeon masters like John McCain and special guest torturees like Jane Fonda and Dick Durbin to keep the show real.”

A spokesman for product merchandising said, “We are pursuing several ideas. We thought Doritos would seize the opportunity to sign Saddam for an endorsement deal but when they didn’t we invented “Saddam crackers”. They will be somewhat like Animal Crackers but in the shapes of men, women and children. They will be shredded and fried and you will be able to break them apart and eat them piece by piece just like Saddam would. Also, we are looking at a home/game edition of “Celebrity Torture” as well as Saddam action figures for the kids. What kid wouldn’t love an “evil dictator doll” to use in fights with GI Joe? Saddam will also be writing another book. This one will be the typical woe is me; I’m a victim; I had a bad childhood; memoir designed to generate sympathy. We think it has the potential to be number one on the NY Times best seller list.”

Thanks to Outside the Beltway - Traffic Jam
and Mudville Gazette for Open Post.
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